A New Debt.

[X] Pay Morgul.

Helping Drovas came back to bit me. He owed a money lender named Mogrul 1,000 septims. Mogrul expected me to pay Drovas' debt. However, I killed him instead.

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Ah, The Elder Scrolls Skyrim. Good game, much like Morrowind. I just love the freedom you have to solve most any problem any way you can think of. Course the game is appealing to a wider audience, so it's not quite as good as Morrowind was. That little detail was jammed into my head rather unpleasantly today as I finished the Dawnguard DLC. Man alive, what a drag. It just goes on and on, with no end in sight, and it's about as linear as you can get. No killing people to make your life easier, no shortcuts, no, you have to drag yourself through every last god-forsaken hoop they could think of, listen to hours of cliche, boring, and predictable dialog, and kill hundreds of creatures just to get some worthless trinkets at the end of it to slay the bad guy (more on this later) and save the day. Hurrah. Course it would be, if it wasn't playing like some Zelda-ish RPG.  

I mean come on, this is Elder Scrolls! You're supposed to have freedom, not be locked-in to a quest for hours on end. I mean yeah, you are, technically, always gonna be locked in to a quest that you're completing, but at least make it intriguing and fun! Good god, how many creature-fighting dungeons and lame cliched-conversations can one guy take? Not many, I know that for sure. In the good old days of Morrowind when I was told to get a valuable object from an NPC, I'd either steal it or kill the guy and avoid the kind of treasure-hunting mendacity that Skyrim has embraced all too fully in the Dawnguard DLC. But I digress, I have no wish to rant, and it is cool to be able to blot-out the sun now.

Which brings me to my last grievance: 

Now I know that Vampires are considered "bad" by most, but what about the vampires themselves? Heck, I don't want to be hearing how "bad" other vampires are by people who go around murdering and sucking people's blood as part of their daily routine, that's just plain stupid, and yet, this is exactly what happens in Dawnguard. "Oh my father has lost his way! I wish we could be a family again!" < This from the undead heroine who's parents were both vampires, and who is herself a vampire. Give me a break, murder and death is a part of vampire life, so I find it utterly ridiculous when some vampire whelp gets all sniffly because of the domestic disputes in her home, or the fact that her blood is needed to fulfill prophesies and whatnot. Just dumb. I don't know where to begin so I'll just end before I lose my mind. 

In my opinion, the power to blot-out the sun is incredibly cool for any vampire characters, however, be warned, this DLC is boring, looooong, and tedious. It's also childish beyond belief and made me forget I was playing an Elder Scrolls game. /\ Rant over.

Cruisin' Through the Tunes...

So I figured my music needed a tune-up. Last time I was in my car listening to the mp3's, there were tracks I'd literally never heard before. So, realizing that not only had a bunch of songs been covertly added to my device, I also figured it was time to set things straight. Basically, I'm deleting everything that doesn't touch me at the core. The task is a tedious one, but now and then I stumble across a GREAT song that I just have to stop and listen to. One that stands out among the common "good" tunes, ya know?

Anyhow, for fun (and while I wait to play Gears of War 3 with my bro) I'll be sharing the songs I'm listening to that make the great list, and perhaps I'll put a blurb here and there for good measure...

Sooo... what the hell happened to Michael Jackson?! I mean seriously! This song is awesome! Maybe it's just the fact that his family is singing with him, or maybe that he was a kid, but something happened to this guy throughout his life. As far as his music went, I'd have to say he got worse. Sure he sold millions of records, but, imo, they sucked.

I don't know a lot about Blue Rodeo, but I do know that I LOVE this song of theirs. It reminds me of my childhood days, and how awesome life is as a child. It doesn't quite hit you until you're grown up, but those were the days.  Nowadays, I simply try to keep myself searching existence for that magic, and while I'm getting closer to that core self of mine, there are beacons (like this song) that light the way.

Ah, another good song... I don't know why, but this song reminds me of Battlestar Galactica: The Miniseries.

It's funny how things change, and something about that show got lost throughout it's transition into a popular sci-fi. Whatever it was, was also in this song. The two elements of metaphysical nature reside in both. I'll be damned if I know what they are, but I know this: when I listen to this song, I can't hear anything but the rain.

Always loved this song... yeah, a Backstreet Boys song... why? Because, it's real. This song was one of those songs that became pop yes, but was felt by those singing it, you can tell, especially at 2:24 to the end, that there's more (possibly a few lifetime's more) to this, whatever 'this' is. I also LOVE songs that change things up at some point for the sake of the BURSTING emotion that simply HAS to get out of the confines of a pattern or beat. Like the song itself was a cage, and the feelings overcame it and transcended. Love it.

Another example of the above. At about 2:35 the song LEAPS tracks and it's gone. Off on it's own thing, and you simply won't catch it again. Better enjoy it while you can.

Amazing song this. I remember when I first heard it on the radio. I used to listen to music off and on all night long. I'd drift in and out of consciousness, floating within my mind's hazy wanderings and this song seemed to paint my state quite well. I think it was actually this song that really helped me understand my own nature. 

This song reminds me of Star Trek TNG... when I was a kid I adored this show... I readily identified with Captain Picard, who knows why. I must have seen some of myself in the character. But this song is a testament to exploring and never giving up. Sounds cheesy I know, but I mean it in the sense of adventure. Rather than simply fighting to not "let them win", I see it as far better to always seek out what is calling you.

Ahhhh, Mission Impossible... I have no idea why this song was included with Tom Cruise's first MI movie, but I'm glad it was, otherwise I might never have heard it. It's just fantastic, I can't really describe it, just that the guy makes a seemingly dull moment in time, into a full-blown song and makes it a backlash/chew-out/told-you-so to boot. Just wonderful. I can literally see the people behind this song...

My heart's song for a large portion of my childhood. I always felt like I was being called 'back' to something. Like I had a life before this one or something, but mostly, it was intrinsically tied to "The Odyssey" (a Canadian kids tv show) and how I identified with the main character, Jay. I took his place to search for meaning in my life. What I didn't realize back then, is that home is where your thoughts are, and if you're living life according to your core-self, you have all the meaning you can handle.

Another "Star Trek Song". I heard this one very early on in life, and it immediately stuck to my brain canals like it belonged there. I always imagined that Tasha Yar from the series sang this song, but apparently the guy (yes, guy) who sings this song is in fact male. Still, can't blame a kid for wanting to hold on to his fantasies...

Roger Whittaker has a wonderful voice, and sings some great songs. This is one of them. I've wondered this profusely throughout my life, and asked the question enough times as well. 

Ah the 90's... actually, just childhood in general. I mean, I've heard people complain to no end about how awful their childhood was, how badly they were raised, and playing the victim to no end, but I like to cherish my own involvement in life, my own desires and passions. When I was a kid, I searched the ends of the earth (metaphorically) for answers to my questions, and this song was always with me as I did. This tale could be a crying shame in that it could be riddled with that self-destructive 'victim mentality' but instead, the singer is seeking the answer to his most pressing question, and those around him understand and compel him to keep going. It's actually incredibly positive.


Well, that's it for me. Gotta go own at Gears 3. Hope you enjoyed my list, I certainly enjoyed making it and reminiscing with you all. Hope to see you soon. Peace.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Feathers...

It's true what they say, about the urban jungle- It's a mess of concrete, steel, and rubber, slowly decomposing through the mundane ins and outs of everyday existence. I passed a sign that endorsed our new highway that runs in a circle around the city, and thought of all the poor souls running round and round that thing till the road disintegrates or till their wheels fall off; and in the center of this wonderful metropolis, jam-packed like sardines, are business people and corporate goons chasing their own tails of greed and ambition. 

Maybe it's the ambition of man that has allowed him to flourish, the will and drive to do more than simply survive; to chase the dreams and delusions of grandeur. This growth-obsession, to go beyond nature, is what threatens nature itself. I'm sure if the animals could talk their news cast would be something along the lines of 

"Humans Move Further Inland! Thousands Evacuated."

The human expansion phenomenon is in full throttle, and while the urge to broaden our horizons does seem to be a natural human trait, so does the dark deal it has with self-destruction. It would seem that the more advanced we get, the more we leave ourselves behind. The only hope for our furry brethren now is to adapt human traits, and I believe I saw progress on that front the other day.

As I was returning home from work I saw a bird eating it's brother on the road. The dead fowl couldn't care less of course, but what of the other? Certainly times weren't as harsh as to warrant cannibalism, but that is just what was happening. Perhaps the bird couldn't be bothered to go to the local field where he usually ate, or perhaps he saw it as a way to get ahead in the neck-and-neck competition for territory and food privileges. We'll never know, but in a hundred years or so, I'd say the animals will have come a long way. Survival is a powerful instinct.

Jessica Simpson... and Why I Wouldn't Fuck Her in the Ass...

So I think Jessica Simpson is cute, and have for quite some time. I remember when I first saw her on "The Dukes of Hazzard" poster back in '05, and how I thought to myself "Wow, what a woman!" Only years later did I actually see clips of the movie on tv; found it to be too "southern" for my tastes, and found Jessica Simpson's character, Daisy, to be lacking in substance. I guess I was hoping for more than a marketing ploy to get people to watch a movie, but I've learned my lesson since then. 

Anyhow, I've since watched her music video "These Boots Are Made For Walkin" and found it to be outright sexy. I don't like the song itself, but the moves Jessica puts on are incredible. It's hard to find a female performer who isn't afraid to be what she is: a woman. It's even harder to find one where the girl actually seems to be enjoying her state as a sexual creature, rather than using it as yet another marketing ploy, which "The Dukes of Hazzard" producers did with the video in question... but I digress, what does all this have to do with anal sex?

Well, for me at least, anal is the cherry on top of the cake when it comes to a relationship. If I were to break it down, it'd go something like this: Oral is expected, pussy is a given, and anal is the cherry. That wonderful, tight little cherry. For years I had thought I just wanted anal as a default when it came to my relationships, but I've begun to notice something; It would appear that some women bring that desire out in me, while others seem to shut it down. It solidified itself when I was watching Jessica Simpson's music video (mentioned above), I noticed that her legs (and I've always been a leg man) were disproportionate to her body... like, it looks like she works out, but only her legs, which makes them bulky-looking. Then there's the fact that her legs are on the short side, which never helps matters. It's a shame really, but alas, even if I did ever end up with Jessica (riiight), the possibility of anal would be out the window. Unless of course she wanted to make the issue into a marketing ploy to save her reputation by paying me to do it, but I think she's just fine where she is. 

Now, I'm not saying I find her any less attractive (I know, "lol, wut?") what I am saying is that the way she's built just turns me off of anal. It's just one of those things.

Let's Stay Inside...

So... winter is here... again... it's the first big snow of the year (more than 12") and let me tell you, it's not very fun to live in such a climate. Seriously, I'm driving to work this morning through the apocalypse; my car windshield fluid doesn't come out, so I had to stop half-way there and let the snowfall accumulate on my windshield before I could use the wipers to clean the damn thing off.

Now I don't know how many of you work outside, but I do, and let me tell you, when it's snowing this hard, it's hard to get anything done. You have to sweep your work area off every three seconds, and you just fight the weather all day long. Not to mention that it's -57,000 F outside! I mean really, who decided to build a city here? For that matter, why didn't the early colonists just leave the 'new world' the INSTANT a winter storm hit? Hell, if it was me I'd have been like "Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm outta here." and get back on the ship and go back to England, or wherever. I just can't figure out why people CHOSE to live in one of the most ridiculous climates ever. Why not live in Antarctica if you like snow so much? Oh that's right, 'cause there's nothing BUT snow there. Well let me tell you: in a Canadian winter, there's nothing but snow here EITHER.

Anyhow, rant rant... so yeah, I also spoke to my cousin the other day about eating, and he just can't figure me out when it comes to anything (the poor guy actually tries), but this time, we got on the topic of eating and I mentioned how I think eating is stupid. I mean seriously, let's take time out of our lives to sit around and process objects with our teeth so that we can pass it to our stomach so that we don't die. Life is weird man, and I am very opposed to doing anything that I HAVE to do. It's one of those pet-peeves if you will, I strongly oppose doing anything that I have to do. This includes eating. Don't get me wrong, I don't starve myself (I'm actually attempting to develop a 6,000 calorie/200g of protein diet for myself so that I can work out more consistently and see steady gains) but I mean really, the whole exercise is annoying to me, and takes soooo much time that I'd rather spend elsewhere. What's even worse, is when they put this eating thing in movies... I mean, what's worse than spending time eating? Watching other people spend time eating... and then, lo and behold, the movie goer is hungry and goes somewhere to eat afterward...

ANYhow... one of the things I was really thinking about today is breaking up routine. I think that people as a whole don't break up their routines in POSITIVE ways. I mean sure, the snow storm broke up my routine today, but that's hardly an event I'd like to duplicate. Then there's any other thing that comes into our lives and fucks us over one way or another. It's no wonder people fear breaking routine and cling as best they can to their mundane lives. It would seem we've been trained to stay sheltered and locked-in to the familiar. 

However, it is my belief that if we could break routine willingly and for the better, that we'd actually loosen up a bit more; and so, that is exactly what I'm going to do tonight. I'm taking a break from everything, even the things that I usually do to relax. I hope it has a positive effect. At the very least, it can't be as bad as the snow storm.

Peace out homies!

Dream Journal - 1/5/2013

So I had an interesting dream last night; it was definitely an element of my shadow.

In it I was none other than Hank Moody from ShowTime's "Californication". 

Me and a girl (I assume my anima) were on our way to meet with Rza about a movie he was making. Turns out, he didn't have enough money to put it out, and all the studios had cut off his funding, so he turned to me for the extra cash. We sat in his trailer around a table (Me and a girl, Rza and a girl) and talked about the movie extensively. Afterwards, it was agreed that I'd help him and Rza was happy. 

He then went off to set the thing in order while I waited outside the trailer. When he returned, however, he looked angry. He stepped close to me and I backed up a bit. As if sensing the fear, Rza continued to move forward until I fell into the door opening on the trailer. He pounced on top of me accusing me of something (can't remember what) but while he did so, it felt like his feet were clasped around my balls and the pain was getting worse and worse as I tried to reason with him. Rza seemed unaware that he was causing the pain and simply took my growing discomfort as my own guilt. Then I woke up.