Dream Journal 7/24/2013

I was a medical student and was in class.

My teacher and mentor was George Clooney (who was also a practicing physician).

When class ended I stayed behind to work on a project with Clooney which we had apparently been working on for some time. Another doctor came in who I didn't recognize (I couldn't see his face clearly) and he ended up examining my teeth, finding one of them to be rotten.

George examined the tooth as well and agreed. He then called his friend who was a specialist in these types of cases, and the man was a nazi.

Clooney put my tooth in a clamp and wiggled it around. He then showed the nazi guy who pulled at the tooth until it came out. There was no pain.

Blood poured out of the wound for a time as the two discussed the situation.

I held a cloth to the bleeding and eventually it stopped.

Then they told me that I needed surgery but I said I had to use the bathroom first.

George let me go but told me to hurry back because "there's not a lot of time if we're going to save your face".

Reincarnate... If You Know What's Good For You.

"Who let him in here?" you say, 
As they close the door.

But by then, 
It's too late. You're trapped 
Inside 
With your nightmare... 
With your hopes... 
You'll never escape your reflection, 
And you'll never change your mind.

"I'll rip your heart out!" you threaten, 
But to bleed out is long and frustrating. Ultimately, 
You'll thank your pain for pointing the way...
The way 
Away 
From where you're going. That way 
Is lost and dark, 
And though it may not have the monsters, 
The nightmares, 
And the soul-raping truth 
That when you finally accept it, 
Is inescapably clear- 
At least, 
By then, 
You'll see it is perfect.

Your shadow cast was always with you, 
And the brighter you glowed, 
The darker you made those who lingered behind you;
Those in front of you reflected that same light you aspire to.

In the end of your horrific journey, 
You'll find that you begin to pack for another.

Confessions of a Soul.

Things are beautiful.

I've always admired things.

Ideas, a sunset, the clouds, rain, the ocean, lightning, the list goes on.

Recently I've discovered I have no interest in people. They wander, and they make a mess of the beauty that resides on the earth.

Imagine, if you will, a great hall. Something made by man, and how it decays. There is, I think, nothing more beautiful than that which returns to nature. The cosmos and cosmic dust from where it came.

I have no interest in people. They bore me; and they are decidedly NOT beautiful. 

The beauty I admire is in inanimate objects. Like I said, an idea or a sunrise.

Heck, I used to think women were beautiful until I found out they were people too. Too bad. So close, and yet I return my thoughts to the spray of the sea as it crashes against a magestic rocky cliff overlooking the sea as the sun sets.

Yes, the beauty that is, and that does not want.

Beauty is a state of not wanting. It is a state of never having been alive to know what wanting is.

When alive, we want this or that, we can never just be. It's not in our nature. 

If we were to just "be", we'd probably starve to death. What an existence.

My favorite times are when I am looking at the sky or the rain coming down. Any time I watch in sheer amazement at nature unfolding as it does.

I despise eating.

I want to be able to exist without having to maintain said existence. I want to be like rain, which simply occurs. Why can't I just be an occurrence?

Now I respect all opinions, and I'm sure there are some opinions that disagree with mine or even can't respect it.

I wonder, then, why I should even respect opinions when those opinions don't respect me?

Isn't it the truest form of self-DISrespect to respect an opinion that doesn't respect you simply because... well, simply because you feel you should.

I can't respect anything 
That needs me to respect it to be respectable.

I can't accept anything 
That needs me to accept it to be acceptable.

I can't believe in anything 
That needs me to believe in it to be believable. 

I can't believe that something exists 
If that thing needs me to believe it exists.

I am 180 degrees out of phase with most everyone I've ever met. Even those that can understand me are still not where I'm at.

I wonder if this is the natural state of the human soul?

I wonder, when we strip everything away from the external world,  if we still feel a need to belong. Or do we simply feel disappointment?

That Ancient, Reverent, Feeling.

Today I look back on my travels. While it is possible to travel within the confines of your own home, doing nothing but exploring the intuitions and creativity that is already inside of you, there is no denying that the outside world holds many monuments of internal human energy- simply manifested to point the way back to our own origins.

It is baffling and unexplainable how there are some things (like pyramids, societal structure, religion, towers, statues of deities, and much more) that are common to all societies all over the world; even (it has been discovered) between cultures that had absolutely no contact with one another. In a book that I highly recommend called "A Short History of Progress", Ronald Wright provides us with more than a dozen historical examples of this, and goes on to talk about the human condition; and humanity's tendency towards civilizationary death.

It is my opinion, of course, that every thing in the universe "dies" (as a means of changing to the next stage of it's own unique journey), but that is beside the point. 

My main interest is that of the internal condition of humanity - that we are constantly looking for it in the outside world - when (I believe) whatever we seek is within us, waiting to be shared.

As we peer through our eyes to the outside world, we are coming face to face with our own inherent nature. It truly is fascinating and one of the reasons I can believe that life is simply a dream, while also being completely in our own control. All that exists, is part of some singular thing we call Life (some call this thing "God", "Allah", and etc).

Life loves itself in an almost narcissistic way: In order to better "view" itself, it has many eyes. Each set lives in an organism that can give it's own unique perception of life; and if that wasn't enough, each living thing believes itself to be a separate entity, creating even more unique and colorful filters to perceive the miracle of life with. It truly is infinite, just as it truly is singular.

It's both real, and imaginary, exists and is non-existent.  

Who Are We, Really?

We are whoever it is we find ourselves to be at the PRESENT moment. By design or surprise, by our own careful planning or the onslaught of an unexpected situation or event, we are that; and can only ever be.

Existential Quandering.

There is a war that will be fought, 
On both sides of the blue line. When it begins, 
We'll never be the same. 

There is but one thing to settle 
Before we tear everything 
Open, 
And that is where it all came from? 

Was it a survival mechanism? Simply a 
Smoke-screen 
Put up till after the dust settled? Or 
Did it have a meaning 
Of it's own? 

Was there a path to follow 
If only I had believed it 
While it rang true? 

Where did the plane go that held meaning in the sky? 

If it all comes from within, 
Why does it falter and diminish 
As we travel through 
The external world?

In the Jungle.

There's something about getting to the core of things. Some people call this being "genuine". I call it living in the jungle. In the jungle, you've got nothing but yourself to rely on. No rules, so you have to live by your own. Anyone who's ever been successful in life knows this is the only way to live, regardless of where in the world that may be. 

Sure you can exist by following the rules, but you can't live, make no mistake about it. To live, you have to follow your own inner compass, and it has two poles:

1: Never do what you don't want to do 
[unless it allows for or enables #2]

2: Always do what you want to do.

Tear down whatever shit you have to in order to live in tandem with that simple guidance, and you'll find yourself.

I Am God... and So Are You.

How's it goin' folks? So today I want to talk a little bit about synchronicity. More specifically, those times when EVERYTHING goes wrong, all at once... ever had that?

It's like you're going along your merry way in life and then BAM! Just like that, good ol' Murphy's Law kicks in and before you know what's even happening, you're up to your ears in problems.

I had such a day like that today, and while it may seem like a disconnected blog for the title I have given it, you will soon see just how well it fits.

The thing is, everything we experience in life is a DIRECT result of how we perceive the world. More than that, the situations we end up in are a by-product of who we have been or, who we are. It is impossible to go through life without creating the path you step on, because the path changes as you change, or stays the same if you decide to do nothing.

On a day like today, I could see this unfolding before my very eyes. I'm new at my position at work, a lot of what I'm doing I have to learn on the fly because I haven't had any training (didn't think I needed any! lol), and so, with such an "on-the-fly" way of working, I found myself bogged down with problems, mostly stemming from the fact that I didn't know how to do one particular thing, and because of that, EVERYTHING that followed was fucked.

Now, I work outside, strange as that may seem. I mean, it's 2013 for crying out loud! How can it be that we've come this far as a species and still some of us work outside? Of course, I could always get an indoor job, and after today, that definitely appeals to me. You see, as the problems kept accumulating, the SNOW began to pile on top of our job site. A blizzard in April! It just seemed to fit. I mean, it was like "Well, why not? Everything else is fucked up, why not the weather?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the weather, nor am I blaming anything, to be honest. I'm pointing out that everything is connected. Wherever we are in life, whatever our journey, things are bound to happen to us. It is my understanding, however, that these things arise BECAUSE of us, where we are in our journey, and arise for our direct benefit. We can only grow and develop if we know the areas we need to work on. A gentle nudge from the universe, like the one I experienced today, is the most common manifestation of this. The more we wish to progress, the more obvious it will be what we need to get better at. The more we accept the situations as helpful, the faster we can grow.

So you see, we are creating the world we live in, right down to the very weather we experience. It's all connected in some cosmic way that I don't even care to understand, I just know it is. 

I am the creator, therefore I am God.

If So, Then This Is What You Are...

Listen to this while you read to understand what I'm getting at:

Long ago, there was a bird who lived to fly the skies. 

It awoke every morning to the fire of the sun, 
And took to flight. 

All the animals throughout the kingdom 
Envied it so, and one day 
The stork killed the Phoenix 
With his saber-like bill. 

Five days went by 
Before the monsoon rains descended 
Upon the burial site 
Where that mighty bird lay. After an hour, 

The ground began to glow 
With the light of resurrection, 
And the Phoenix, 
Clothed in fire, 
Emerged from the underworld to soar the heavens. 

As it passed stars, comets, nebulae, and 
Eventually, 
Time itself, 
It became the focal point of inspiration. 

The great bird bowed it's head 
And looked within; 
Upon seeing it's own greatness, 
The Phoenix exploded 
And it's flames scattered throughout the unborn. 

It is said that whenever one embraces their destiny, 
They are but the Phoenix returning to itself, 
To fly once more.

Dream Journal - 4/20/2013

I took her to the mall 
After the disappointment of a froze-over skating rink. 
She had stars in her eyes that never died.

We walked along the street through the white multitude as it descended and she smiled at the millions of flakes as they moved here and there, not knowing where to set down.

The wind blew cold truth through the air.

She had lost the fight.

I could tell she wasn't proud of it, 
But she was tranquil just the same.

We turned a corner 
To a lake 
That overlooked the black wall of snow 
Coming towards the city in the distance. Like the rink, 
The lake was totally frozen, 
So we sat on the edge of it.

She slumped into my shoulder and breathed a tearful sigh. 

The wind blew cold truth through the air.

I held her close and kissed her head, resting mine on hers. 

The snow came down on top of us, 
And the world slipped beneath the waves of night.

For that last moment I looked at her,
And she smiled.

The Unconscious Wager.

How many times have you had a feeling or intuition that needed itching? Like a secret desire you needed to satisfy? I know I have.

For me, this comes in the form of looking for a movie with a plot or theme that matches what I feel. I have this urge to find something that matches my internal state, and I proceed to search in the hopes of finding it. I do assume this is much like a drug user who seeks a fix. He feels a certain way inside and then begins to crave a substance that will compliment the feeling. Much study has been made into addictions such as that and it has been shown that what is really going on is the addict is missing something in their own life experience, so they turn to the drug to fill the gaping hole in themselves.

Now, most of us draw the line at drugs or perhaps smoking or overeating, but my latest realization is that when we feel these urges that seemingly NEED to be coupled with an external thing (be it a drug or a movie), this is in fact our creative mind trying to tell us we have something to share with the world.

I can not tell you the number of times I've had this feeling and looked desperately for a movie or song that would give me back the essence I felt leaking from my soul but couldn't find it. It was as if I knew exactly what I wanted the movie to be about or the song to feel like and yet couldn't find one that delivered on my wants, and I couldn't find one ANYWHERE, no matter how hard I looked.

It wasn't till a few weeks ago that I realized what was happening.

Think of it like this:

Your unconscious mind has an idea, and it wants to share it with the world. The Ego then steps in and says "Wait a minute! I think that's been done already." to which the unconscious replies "You think you can find something as good as this? Go ahead, show me!" and then we proceed to look for something that fits EXACTLY what we're looking for. However, because the issue is now in the hands of the Ego, we get frustrated when we cannot find what we're looking for (because the Ego hates to be wrong) and more often than not, we simply curse the outside world for not having what we want. When really, if we just took a step back, we'd know we had the answer all along.

Imagine, if you will, you're decorating your house. You call an interior designer and they show you the different decorating schemes their company does. As you look through the pictures, you notice they don't have what you want. You get frustrated and either settle on a design that's kinda like what you wanted, or you let them go and try to find another interior designer who's vision is more in line with your own. My suggestion is this: Hire an interior designer who does CUSTOM work, and then you can tell them EXACTLY what you want, which is all you're trying to do anyhow.

Bob Dylan, is another example. When asked how he was able to make such good songs, he simply replied "I make songs that I want to listen to." I believe that every artist recognizes, at least to some degree, that their desire to see something, feel something, or experience something, can only be satisfied by their own internal creativity. Therefore, if we recognize this creative burst the next time we feel it, instead of looking outward for what we desire, if we proceed to create it, I believe our artistic expression will be revealed as the source, for it is what will be satisfied many times over.

Art, I believe, is life.

My cousin once said that "If you're not making art, you're not living." and I believe it's true. If we look at the way most people think about living today, it's experiencing things. Sky diving, traveling the world, and things like that. We are chronically drawn to outward things, giving them great praise, importance, or status, without ever considering ourselves as worthy of the same. Even the most spectacular building was once an idea in an architect's head. So, too, do each and every one of us have such well-springs waiting to be discovered. 

Let Your Passion Out.

 

So, we live in a world that is supercharged with social importance. What I mean by this is that we have to be SUPER careful not to offend people; not to step on toes, that is, if we expect to get anywhere in our careers or make good impressions on others. 

It seems to me that our entire "public" existence is mostly a front; the 'acceptable' mask we wear to reap the benefits of social connectedness. With such pressure, it's no wonder groups are popping up all over the place pushing for acceptance and tolerance.

This is all well and good, but if we're going to wait for society to change to fit our specific needs, well, let's just say we'll probably be waiting a very long time.

It is my opinion that we need to learn to be able to bathe in our hidden desires, obsessions, guilty pleasures, but above all, our passion in life, and we need to be able to do this without waiting for others to allow us or someone to say "it's ok now".

This isn't anything as trivial as eating chocolate when we know we shouldn't, or drinking even when we know we have to work the next day, those are the band-aids we place on the gaping wound of self-denial. What I am talking about is PASSION, with a capital "P". Find that thing that you not only enjoy doing, but that you LOVE to experience. That thing that adds meaning to your existence (and that probably doesn't make sense to anyone else; that's a good sign actually.). It is essential to our sanity and self-esteem to be able to indulge the parts of ourselves that have no place in society. If we want to feel whole and loved, we have to embrace every aspect of our personality.

For me, this is writing or, more specifically, dwelling on an obsession of mine. Most of the time this is some movie, or actress's amazing character portrayal. I use my artistic sense to write poems and make playlists (as seen in this post) that deepen the meaning I've found in them like a collage of metaphor; and I absolutely love this. There isn't much else I'd rather do than sit in my obsession and experience the feelings, thoughts, and epiphanies over and over again. After a while, the significance settles, and it's on to the next thing. I find this exertion and creation for my inner desires frees up a LOT of energy. I feel lighter, more in touch with myself and other people, and all it takes is a healthy dose of selfishness and isolation.

Eventually, we should all strive to align our passion with our careers and lives so that such exercises are unnecessary, actually exercising our passion everywhere we go, BUT, for now, this is a good first step.

Boys Don't Cry

So, I've finally completed my playlist "Boys Don't Cry" inspired by the movie of the same name. I recommend you watch the movie before listening to my list. The effect of the music without the film will be different, and so will the effect of my playlist. There will be spoilers in this post as well, so do yourself a favor and watch the movie then come back once you have.

 

Now for some background: it was because of Hilary Swank's outstanding performance in "Million Dollar Baby" (for which she won her second Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role) that led me to seek out her other films. It wasn't long before I discovered that she won her First Oscar for a Leading Role because of her amazing portrayal of Teena Brandon in the movie "Boys Don't Cry".

Upon watching the film, I was awestruck, and sat dumbfounded on the couch as the credits rolled. The movie is simply perfect in every aspect of the word. What struck me most, however, was the complete sense of destiny the movie inspired. Not destiny in the sense that it's usually used (if we follow our hearts, everything will be ok, yadda yadda) what it really embodied was the total realism of what a life is. It's the choices we make, the mentality we have, and everything about us. Life is a product of ourselves. More correctly: OUR life is a product of ourselves. It's a product of what we do, who we interact with, and what we choose for ourselves. This, the movie represented in perfect harmony.

I became obsessed with the film over the next few days, and watched it a total of 3 more times in 2 weeks. Soon, what was resonating with me beyond the story, the acting, and the feeling of the film, was the music- The method used by director Kimberly Peirce to tie the characters and situations together, and I must say she did an excellent job. The songs in "Boys Don't Cry" seem to simultaneously be attributed to the situations or characters in the story while also being a product of them.

It's as if the music created itself while the characters lived out certain situations, but it emerged for them while also only emerging because of them. A singular point of self-creation that immediately revels and glorifies the reason it was brought into existence.

That is how I experienced the movie, and what was so hard to understand at first. What I did for almost every day during those 2 weeks was listen to the music from the film; I also had a growing feeling inside of me that wanted to express itself. Much like the music emerging from the movie, something inside of me was emerging because of the music, and this familiar feeling was a familiar sign that I was developing an artistic project within me. This time, it was a playlist.

I often create playlists to tell a story. I use the songs as the driving force, and make a story arch or metaphor within them. I'm sure there are many people who do this, and if you are one of them, I'm sure you'll appreciate what satisfaction can come from creating something entirely new and fresh with meaning from things that have established their own meaning already. I like to think of it like grafting plants together.

Now, I knew for certain that I wanted to use a few key songs from the movie (the ones that really captured and drove the film), but I also wanted to add some of my own picks because, to be honest, the playlist felt incomplete when I simply arranged the songs from the film in the order I wanted. It was a prototype, and was shouting for me to complete it.

Below is the complete "Boys Don't Cry" playlist and you can click on the songs to listen.

Boys Don't Cry:

1. Just What I Needed by The Cars

2. Secret by Madonna

3. Losing My Religion by Nina Persson

4. Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder

5. Devil's Got a Gun by Whitehorse

6. The Bluest Eyes in Texas by Nina Persson

7. Boys Don't Cry by The Cure

8. Rebel Rebel by David Bowie

Over the next few days I scoured youtube for the kinds of songs I was looking for. I started with songs I knew well (a safe bet) songs like "Try" by Nellie Furtado. I know for certain I'll use this song in a future playlist, but it didn't fit right for this one. It seemed too hopeless in a lot of ways. If there's a strong feeling I got from "Boys Don't Cry" it was that there is a strong drive in everyone, and this drive has been called love. Love is the pinnacle of the movie. Love in it's sadness, love in it's joy, love in it's hope for the future. So I kept searching, but eventually it became clear to me that the songs I knew well were not going to work. How could familiarity capture the explosion of discovery I had experienced from such a movie? I realized that it couldn't. So I searched for music that was recommended along with the songs that had been in the movie.

While doing that I had a sudden epiphany to use Madonna's "Secret". Just listen to it and you'll see, it's simply magical. It's almost like Lana sings it to Brandon. It also has an incredible pace that feels like hypnotism.

Eventually, I found "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. and this song seemed to fit very well. It was a kind of celebration of sorts. Very nice and comfortable tune. I was about to include it but then I discovered Nina Persson's cover of the song, and once I heard it, I was mesmerized. She had done the song "The Bluest Eyes in Texas" for the film's soundtrack, so it fit even better. Almost as if the same character from the musical story was singing both of the songs. It was a perfect match.

The next song I found was "Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder. I've been meaning to add this to a playlist of mine for some time, but haven't been able to find the right one. It's not a song that can play a central role. If anything, it simply clarifies what you're trying to convey. Like the moment where you realize something beautiful, and immediately revel in it's beauty. Much like the music in the movie. I do like this song though, it's like the inner light shining in a world that fears such expression. Maybe even from what people fear in themselves. I think people often see their own inner life as a darkness or something to be ashamed of, so we try to hide it with how we appear outwardly to people, and this was definitely a huge theme in "Boys Don't Cry".

The final song I added is called "Devil's Got a Gun" and it's a new one, which didn't fit the time period I was trying to stay in, but it just meshed so well. Aside from how it feels, I love the lyrics. First of all, it follows "Hard Sun" perfectly, second of all, it's speaking of the Shadow ("The Devil" was society's expression of their collective Shadow elements back when religion ran the show).

From there, I had realized the elusive instinct that had been sitting in the back of my mind since I saw the movie.

 

Live Again.

He walked the path once more, like he had a thousand times before. 

The mist of the mountains 
Sang like the birds it helped fly that morning. 
Over the breeze, such little things.

On a branch, 
One landed to wish him well and he acknowledged it's presence in awareness only. 
He turned the corner and saw the sun as it emerged from the fog.
This would be the last day of the cycle. 

Across the sky, 
A few birds braved. 
With their chirps of joy, 
He closed his eyes.
He knew each and every step of the way, for he had been this way before. 

A caterpillar 
Had died the night previously, and it's spirit now flew on the wings of a Monarch. 

The tide 
Was massaging the coast, and the man moved with the rhythm of the waves.
Each step was known, and he had been coming up this path for the last 50 years of his life.
When he fell through the ledge it was with a smile that he did. 

The sun 
Rose to begin the morning, 

The birds 
Went to find food, and 

The man 
Fell into the depth below the nebula.

Feelin' That Feeling Again.

It was 1993; was 
All that was left of me, 
As she drove from the sun. 

That road jumped all over the map 
And still she kept her face bent 
From the picture on her dashboard. 

Nothing had made sense since he left, 
But it was clear that he had pushed her away. 

She knew only one thing that he had told her 
"Boys don't cry." 

~ Why hadn't he been real? 

Left inside of her, he would decay, 
But without the wings of the Phoenix, 
None would live, 
And with that realization 
She found out that she was actually grateful 
That boys didn't cry.

When she filled up her car at the station 
And sat inside the diner for a bite to eat, 
She saw the cars going to the city. 

All at once she wanted to scream at them all, 
They didn't even know what they were going to. 

~ Lambs to the slaughter of heartache. 

She had bled dry 
And felt finally the truth:
Boys don't cry.

In the morning the sun came out of New York city, 
The dress was worn and her mileage was running high. 
She smoked her last cigarette, 
       Spent her last dollar, 
                 And collapsed, 
Finally, 
                         On a bed that was dry.

Boys Don't Cry.

Dream Journal - 3/30/2013 & "The Shadow: Carl Jung's Solution to Evil"

So last night, I had an amazing dream. The kind of dream that you know hit on something buried and forgotten.

I was a member of the human race when the apocalypse hit. The sun dimmed and clouded over, until darkness covered the land. During the blackout, we humans morphed into apes. Every last one of us.

The technology was still around, so we had our ipods and smart phones.

There, across the landscape, were small huddles of apes, gazing into the bright screen of an Ipod or Blackberry, Samsung Galaxy or Android. They huddled beneath blankets and I was alone under mine. I took out my phone and the screen lit up, it was then that a roaming monkey (attracted by the light) came over to me. I quickly turned off the phone, and hid myself under the blanket, much like a kid does to escape the monsters he perceives to be in his room.

The monkey shook me and growled, trying to get in, but I just stayed under the blanket, hoping it would go away. Then, I woke up.


So, the above excerpt may seem like just a dream to most of you, but in truth, all of our dreams are "the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul..." - Carl G. Jung.

Dr. Jung did extensive work on dream interpretation, and those who want to learn how to interpret a dream, I'd suggest you use Jung's method, which can be found here: 
http://dreamanalysis.info/index.php/2011/02/dream-analysis-principles/

In a dream such as mine, there is a presence felt that could only be attributed to what Jung called "The Shadow". (For those who are unfamiliar with this term, read more here and here.)

The Shadow is basically the aspects of the psyche that we are not proud of. It's the parts of ourselves we wish we didn't have, and try our utmost to erase. Because these aspects of ourselves are so unwanted, we consciously forget them, and begin to "project" them onto others.

This comes in the form of judgement; labeling people as "immoral", "intolerant", "bad", "evil", etc.  Any time we make these judgements about others, the reason for our doing so is because we are actually lashing out against ourselves. The parts of ourselves that we aren't proud of are what we are attacking.

For example, let us say there is a certain man who is the beacon of fairness and decency. He tries his best to be helpful to others, and is kind, caring, compassionate, and only thinks of others. When he sees someone acting selfish, he immediately lashes out in a rage or spiteful spirit, condemning them as selfish and evil, claiming "people like that are what's wrong with the world".

Now, if we use our knowledge of homo sapiens, things begin to make sense:

The human being is selfish by nature, this is a survival instinct. In the case of a person who sees this as a "bad" or "immoral" thing, we can easily see how they are simply repressing their own human nature, and lashing out when they see it in another person's behavior. In truth, the man is not attacking the person he sees, he is attacking the part of himself he is suddenly reminded of.

Sadly, because of repression, people often lash out in sudden and often violent ways. The man I described above was actually written about in a newspaper a few months back. Everyone who talked about him had nothing but good things to say. He was the kindest, noblest man they had ever met, and couldn't imagine him harming a fly. It was quite the shock, then, when he went on a shooting spree killing several people.

Why did this happen? Because The Shadow finds a way to express itself. It's part of us, after all, and it does not appreciate being ignored and condemned. Like children who misbehave for attention, The Shadow emerges at the most inconvenient times to make it's presence felt, hoping we will no longer ignore it. Unfortunately, what most people do is repress it even further. Beating themselves up for the outburst, and condemning themselves for it, making The Shadow even more repressed, and eventually, more desperate to emerge. It's a vicious cycle.

So, what can we do to free ourselves from this dark force of nature? The answer is actually simple:

We accept it.

The next time we catch ourselves lashing out against a person or situation or anything that makes us feel that sick stomach and start to condemn things, take a step back. Realize that you are really only lashing out against yourself, and that whatever it is that upsets you is normal, that everybody is that way, and that you accept the fact that it is part of yourself.

A simple phrase I like to use is this (using the selfish example):

"I accept the fact that I am selfish. I accept the fact that other people are selfish and that this is normal."

Like I said, you do this whenever you encounter your Shadow, and that's it. The more you accept yourself, the more freedom you will find.



So, what does this have to do with my dream? Well, in our dreams, The Shadow is plainly visible. It is most often a character or feeling that we are either afraid of, trying to get away from, ashamed of, trying to hide, or trying to destroy. Unlike in waking life, the unconscious is free to roam and exert it's direct influence in our dreams. It is most often showing us what we do in waking life that we are not aware of.

In my dream, the element that I sensed is undoubtedly a part of myself that I am hiding from in waking life. The unconscious has shown it to me, and with further study and interpretation of the dream using the above method, I should be able to figure it out. Once I do that, I'll be one step closer to being whole.

Keep in mind that incorporating our Shadow is a life-long process, as there will always be parts of ourselves we don't like. 

Hope this article has helped in some way, and I wish you well. Take care.